


The Idea of Growing Old

by RamonaDecember



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:40:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 11,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23265598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RamonaDecember/pseuds/RamonaDecember
Summary: you never imagined having all this life ahead of you, and now you're content to spend each moment of it with him at your side.ongoing. a collection of cullrian drabbles/ficlets/etc.
Relationships: Dorian Pavus/Cullen Rutherford
Comments: 19
Kudos: 42





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> prompt fills from [me](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.  
> links back to the original post imbedded in the name of the requestor at the beginning of each chapter.  
> C:  
> titled after the song by [the Features](https://youtu.be/RLmxxfyKhrQ).
> 
> big, _big_ thanks to [chaos](https://bh-chaotic.tumblr.com/) for helping speed the transfer process.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian kicks himself for not speaking up sooner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Please don't leave." + "I almost lost you."  
> request from [bh-chaotic](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/185344747178/3-and-7-for-cullrian-for-the-drabble-list-thingy)

The first thing Cullen saw when he opened his eyes was Dorian poking his finger in the chest of an annoyed looking healer. It took a minute for him to place that he was in the infirmary. The last thing he remembered was being in the war room, going over the Inquisitor’s impending departure for the Western Approach, when—Oh, that was right. He had collapsed in the middle of the meeting.

“Don’t tell me you’ve ‘done all you can,’ while he’s still—” It was then that Dorian realized they had an audience. “Cul—Commander. You’re awake.”

Dorian fretted the entire time the healer checked Cullen over and as soon as they stepped away, giving Dorian a withering look, he pulled a stool over to take up what had become his usual place the past few days. Right at Cullen’s side.

“This can’t be necessary,” Cullen insisted, trying and failing to push himself up to sitting.  
Dorian stilled him with a hand on his shoulder, coaxing him into laying back down. “I… don’t think you realize how long you’ve been out.”

He ended up having to explain to Cullen that it had been days. That there was a fever that the healers didn’t think would break. That Cullen was an _absolute fool_ for pushing himself so far and for not telling anyone the withdrawals were that bad.

“We almost lost you,” Dorian choked out in the end. “I almost lost you. And before I even told you—” He cut himself off, shaking his head. Now was not the time. “I’m sorry, I should let you rest.”

But as Dorian stood to leave, shaky fingers wrapped around his wrist. Cullen slid his hand down to take Dorian’s in his.

“Please, don’t go.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian swears Cullen isn't nearly as amusing as he thinks he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t you dare throw that snowba-, goddammit!” + “Have I entered an alternate universe or did you really just crack a smile for me?”   
> request from [bh-chaotic](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/185348899788/11-and-40-cullrian-as-always-xd-for-the-drabble)

“Do not—Cullen Stanton Rutherford, don’t you _dare_.”

A blanket of snow had settled over Skyhold overnight, and while Dorian had spent the entire morning complaining about it, he didn’t know if he’d seen Cullen this genuinely happy in a while. Dorian held up his hands, placating, but it did nothing to lessen the glint of mischief in Cullen’s eyes, did nothing to lessen the smirk on his face as the Commander packed tight another snowball in his gloved hands.

“Don’t you dare throw that snowba—” Dorian started again, but the rest was lost to a string of Tevene curses as the snowball hit him clean in the shoulder, spraying him in snow.

Cullen, surprised Dorian hadn’t whipped up more of a blizzard in retaliation, just laughed as the mage folded his arms across his chest. “Are you _pouting_?” he asked.

Even with Cullen circling his arms around Dorian’s waist, the sour look still wouldn’t leave the mage’s face. “You Southerners are all barbarians,” he complained.

“You love it,” Cullen said. “You think we’re ‘charming.’” He bumped their noses together, but Dorian just scoffed.

“If I offer to warm you up, will you stop the pouting?” The smirk curled its way back onto Cullen’s lips.

It was enough to get Dorian’s attention.. “And how do you suppose we do that?”

Cullen leaned forward, quietly telling Dorian in explicit detail just how they would manage. When he leaned back, he watched Dorian’s eyebrows creep up, the corner of his mouth twitching.

“Have I entered an alternate universe or did you really just crack a smile for me?”

“Yes, yes. Now about that warmth,” Dorian said, already grabbing Cullen by the wrist, practically dragging him off towards his quarters.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen thinks Dorian's laugh is the best sound he's ever heard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kiss prompts: giggly kiss  
> request from [cap-sweet-and-salty-sadness](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/186622360653/22-giggly-kiss-cullrian)

Cullen thinks that Dorian’s laugh might be the best sound he’s ever heard. It’s only made better, if possible, when it comes out against his own lips.

It happens a lot in the stolen moments, when Cullen snags Dorian’s hand and near drags him off around the corner, pressing kisses to Dorian’s cheeks, his temple, his lips as soon as they’re out of sight. And Dorian barely able to breathe out, “Why Commander, what has gotten into you?” between Cullen’s kisses and the noise coming from Dorian that can only be descried as a giggle—though Dorian vows to set Cullen on fire every time he calls it that.

The bubbling laughter is only for Cullen’s ears, but it won’t stay that way if they don’t heed the sound of approaching footsteps, so off they scamper, hand in hand, like two school boys almost been caught.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there is much uncertainty ahead, but at least they have each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kiss prompts: kiss on the ear + war's end kiss  
> request from [frogswithwings](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/186623761218/dorian-and-cullen-wars-end-kiss-or-kiss-on-the)

Cullen would probably call it ‘thoughtful silence’ or ‘quiet reflection,’ but to everyone else, it’s _brooding_. He’s already at it when Dorian opens the office door to find Cullen staring hard out of the narrow slits that pass for windows. It’s in the arms folded across his chest, the slump of his shoulders, the set of his jaw. Wordlessly, Dorian slips his arms around Cullen’s waist from behind, hooks his chin over his shoulder.

“You think too loud,” Dorian remarks, words only a murmur as his lips brush Cullen’s ear. There’s the faintest nip to the lobe before a kiss is pressed in the space just behind. It always does the trick.

Cullen sighs like he’s going to say something but never does, only relaxes back against Dorian. One small kiss and the tension is already easing. No more spiraling thoughts, just Dorian, warm and solid against him. 

\--

There’s celebration after the fall of Corypheus. It’s subdued—many lives were lost—but there’s no denying the current of mirth, of relief, that spreads through the keep. The inquisitor has even gathered some of their closest companions in the main hall in memorialization of their triumphs.

Dorian tries not to monopolize Cullen’s time even though he wants nothing more than to permanently attach himself to his side. There’s several others who wish to congratulate the Commander on his part in their success, and Cullen deserves the praise. And Dorian knows he’ll get his moment, knows Cullen will slip away from the festivities earlier than most, and after waiting just enough time as to not seem too eager, Dorian follows suit.

Cullen is waiting for him in his office, leaning up against the desk. It only takes a few quick steps for Cullen to cross the room to Dorian, taking his face in his hands. There’s a moment’s pause, and then Cullen is kissing him. Then kissing him again. Dorian gives himself to it fully.

There’s no certainty in what comes next, but for the moment, the war is over, and he has Cullen, and that is enough for Dorian.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> one does not simply _lose track of_ the love of Cullen's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kiss prompts: 'I almost lost you' kiss  
> request from [anonymous](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/186631476138/11-cullrian)

“You—What do you mean you lost track of him?” Cullen demands, not quite able to process the words. He knew the battle was hectic, but he didn’t know how the Inquisitor could ‘lose track’ of Dorian. When Cullen watched as Dorian and the Inquisitor disappeared into the ruin of a city together to bring down Corypheus, he told himself he didn’t need to worry—he didn’t need to say goodbye—because those two would have each other's backs. Now, with the Inquisitor standing alone before him, shrugging, eyes downcast, Cullen wondered just how wrong he was.

The way Cullen bristled, fists balling, must have been evident, because from behind Cullen came a voice asking, “Was taking down a darkspawn magister not enough excitement for one day, Commander? Still itching for a fight?”

And there was Dorian. Looking worse for wear, leaning heavily on his staff for support, blood trickling down his face from a nasty gash on his forehead—but alive.

Without hesitation, Cullen grabs him by one of the numerous straps crossing over his overly complicated armor and hauls him into a kiss that’s little more than bubbled over fear and teeth knocking together. “Maker, I thought—"

Dorian just shakes his head. The second attempt at a kiss is better, Dorian’s hand on the back of his neck, Dorian’s lips soft against his. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it wasn't supposed to be goodbye, it couldn't be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kiss prompts: goodbye kiss + last kiss  
> request from [bh-chaotic](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/186640369008/10-and-23-for-the-kissy-prompts-insert-raccoon)
> 
> slight warning: ends with ambiguity over whether or not a character is dead.  
> feel free to twist to your liking.

It wasn’t often that Dorian ever awoke before Cullen, but the Inquisitor insisted their departure couldn’t wait until after the crack of dawn, so awake he was, doing his best not to disturb Cullen as he rolled out of bed.

He perched on the edge of the bed near Cullen and, leaning in, brushed a kiss to the scarred corner of his mouth, had a still half-asleep Cullen chasing after another. Before Dorian could stand, arms snakes around his waist, keeping him there.

“Too early to say goodbye,” Cullen grumbles.

“Good thing it’s not goodbye.” Another brief kiss as Cullen tries to blink open tired eyes. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

Dorian couldn’t have known he was wrong.

\--

You don’t usually know when something will be a ‘last.’ Cullen didn’t know that when he left for Templar training it’d be the last he ever saw his parents, he didn’t know that the day the Chantry exploded in Kirkwall would be the last time he ate those nice apple tarts from the market, and he didn’t know that that morning would be the last time he’d kiss Dorian.

If he had, Cullen would have done it differently. Cullen wouldn’t have let Dorian get away with such a chaste thing, wouldn’t have let him get away, period.

It was supposed to be a routine mission, but now no one had seen or heard from the Inquisitor or his crew in week. That wasn’t expected to change. There was being hopeful, and there was being foolish, and Cullen was thinking that it was time to start accepting that, with just a brush of lips against his, Dorian was out of his life for good.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sleepy confessions are the best confessions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Sorry, I can't trust anyone that looks that good with bedhead."  
> request from [jellysharkbat](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/190268218588/pssst-prompt-for-you-cullrian-sorry-i-cant)

It wasn’t planned.

At this point, it was normal for Cullen to spend more nights than not in Dorian's bed. Where Cullen called home was _inhospitable_ and downright unacceptable, if you asked Dorian, so it was insisted upon. They’d twine themselves together under Dorian’s obscene amount of blankets and stay that way—or stay in some other similar mess of limbs and warmth—until morning. And that’s how they woke this particular morning, with Cullen draped half over Dorian in all of Thedas’ best impression of a heated blanket.

Dorian stirred and it caused Cullen, a light sleeper at best, to stir as well. Cullen’s reaction was to nuzzle up under Dorian’s chin, to mouth slow kisses along his jaw and neck, mutter out a sleepy _I love you_ only for Dorian to give a surprised, “You—?” and for Cullen to realize that that wasn’t a normal thing to say. Not yet. “No,” Dorian concluded. That could be right.

Cullen realized his ‘mistake,’ but the more he thought about it, the more he realized it wasn’t one. He propped himself up on an elbow so he could cradle Dorian’s face in one hand. “I love you,” Cullen stresses again, a soft smile spreading on his face. It might not have been planned, but it didn’t mean it wasn’t true.

Dorian squinted up at Cullen. Hair mussed from sleep. Expressions softened from it too. Illuminated by the morning light spilling in through the window. Absolutely stunning. “No,” Dorian repeated. His hands slid over Cullen to sink into his hair. “I’m sorry, I can’t trust anyone who looks this good with bed head.” Dorian tousled Cullen’s hair just to prove his point, but when Cullen did nothing but let out a warm laugh, Dorian willed that warmth not to spread to his own cheeks. Not that he’d ever admit to doing something like _blushing_. Dorian ducked his head to the side, pulling Cullen against him to hide what was definitely not a blush.

“I love you, too.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen, doing what he does best, gives Dorian a good scare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Because I love you, you asshole!" + "I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified."  
> request from [jupiter235](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/190274493053/from-the-100-prompts-list-either-4-or-21-or)

Cullen, being the— _foolish_ , Dorian would argue—person that he is, didn’t even hesitate to throw himself in the blow that was meant for Dorian, which is how Dorian had come to be sat next to a bed in the infirmary with an unconscious Cullen, absolutely fuming. Or that’s what he told himself he was doing, because _worrying_ implied he wasn’t going to give the Commander a piece of his mind as soon as he came to. His tirade was momentarily forgotten when the first thing Cullen did upon opening his eyes was smile blearily up at Dorian and reach out to drop a hand onto his knee. Only momentarily.

“You can’t do things like that.”

“What?”

Cullen, misinterpreting, started to withdraw his hand, but Dorian quickly covered it with his own. “Being all dashing and heroic is great, but you can’t do things like that,” Dorian repeated, gesturing vaguely at where Cullen lie as if to reference the situation that had put him there.

“You were in danger, why can’t I—“

Because he was the Commander. Because his life was far more important than that of someone like Dorian. “Because I love you, you asshole.” Well, he supposed, there was that too. And there was no taking it back, but it didn’t mean Dorian wouldn’t trying to soften the confession. “I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified that you’re going to do something as stupid as get yourself killed before you know just how much I do.”

Cullen looked shocked, then the expression melted into an even bigger smile than before as he squeezed Dorian’s knee. “I’ll do my best to be less dashing and heroic.”

Dorian huffed out something that was definitely not a laugh before leaning down to kiss Cullen.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this might be it, this might be the final straw, Dorian can't imagine any bigger betrayal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “If you want to talk about it, then say so. Don’t just lie and say it’s fine.”  
> request from [bh-chaotic](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/190279664213/for-the-prompt-list-10-49-65-you-know-which)

Dorian gave a response to Cullen’s attempt at conversation that could only be described as dismissive before turning back to the book he was reading. Again. This seemed to be the normal for the day, even though, according to Dorian, nothing was amiss.

“If you want to talk about what happened, then say so. Don’t just lie and say it’s fine.” Cullen was tired of it.

“I just don’t understand—“ and Cullen knew he was about to be on the receiving end of Dorian’s newest lecture as Dorian carefully set his book aside and stood to approach Cullen, “—how you could do this to me.”

Cullen rumbled out Dorian’s name in warning but Dorian continued on as if Cullen hadn’t spoken. After all, he is the one who just encouraged Dorian to let it out, and that’s what Dorian was going to do, finger poking accusatorially into Cullen’s chest. “It’s a betrayal is what it is. I don’t know how you could think this was alright.”

And that was it, Cullen couldn’t keep a straight face any longer, the corner of his mouth twitching with the effort not to laugh as he circled his arms around Dorian’s waist. “It’s a haircut, Dorian. Not a personal slight.”

“But your _curls_ ,” Dorian emphasized. Ever since he learned what Cullen’s hair looked like when not carefully controlled by product, he’d been absolutely enamored.

“It will grow back.”

“And so too might my trust in you.”

Cullen couldn’t help it, he did laugh then, pressing a kiss to Dorian’s cheek even as Dorian tried to turn his nose up in disdain.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trying to rekindle a relationship a little too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “If I could, I would kiss away all your scars.” + “You lost your chance.”  
> request from [bh-chaotic](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/190279664213/for-the-prompt-list-10-49-65-you-know-which)
> 
> small warning: a mentioned breakup + there's the brief implication that something could be going on between cullen & the inquisitor

“If I could, I would kiss away all of your scars,” Dorian had said. What had started as working out the knots all along Cullen’s back had turned to gentle finger tips, with lips following closely behind on the same trail, tracing over each mark marring Cullen’s skin.

He could feel Cullen’s rumble of laughter move through him even before Cullen took his face out of the pillow to say, “And you say that _I’m_ the sap.” He blindly reached back for Dorian until he could give his thigh a squeeze. “You’re certainly welcome to try, though.”

And now, if the reports coming back from the arbor wilds were anything to go off of, Cullen would have a new scar joining the ranks of those needing to be kissed away. That’s what happened when you were practically run through by a Red Templar sword.

“ _You lost your chance_ ,” Dorian reminded himself. Because not long after that night, Cullen had pushed to define their relationship and Dorian balked, ended it so that they didn’t have to worry about it.

It didn’t mean that once word arrived that Cullen had been brought back from the field, Dorian hadn’t decided to pop into the infirmary to see how he was. He was already working out some line about whether or not Cullen was still willing to let him try to rid him of those marks, but he hadn’t quite been able to piece it together before noticing that the Inquisitor apparently had the same idea regarding visiting, because there she was, fingers pressed lightly to the bandages wrapped around Cullen’s middle, Cullen smiling fondly at her.

A smile that started to slip once he noticed Dorian’s presence. That was all the answer Dorian needed for whether _his_ touch would still be welcome. Apparently Cullen already had someone for that, and it was no longer him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen doesn't think he's very good at surprises, Dorian begs to differ.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It's pitch black and I can still see you blushing."  
> request from [mhandersmyheart](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/190304816503/are-you-still-taking-prompts-if-yes-how-about)

“This is ridiculous,” Dorian insisted. “Unnecessary.”

Dorian was probably right. The further Cullen went with this plan, the more he was, in fact, filing ridiculous about it. It really wasn’t a big deal, but, “You love surprises,” he reminded. As much as Dorian would pretend that wasn’t true.

“I also love not tripping and falling to my death. I can’t see a thing.”

“That’s the point.” Cullen had effectively blindfolded Dorian before leading him out of his alcove in the library and very carefully down the stairs.

“You know, if this is what you’re into, it’s much better with _silk_ ,” Dorian purred, using the arm that wasn’t linked through Cullen’s to grope blindly until he could run a hand up Cullen’s unfortunately armored chest. “In fact, if you can give me ten silk scarfs and a little bit of your time, then I can—“

Cullen cleared his throat, urged Dorian a little more quickly through toward the door that would lead to his office. This was not a conversation that Solas, a seemingly permanent fixture of the rotunda they were crossing through, needed to hear.

Dorian laughed, leaning more heavily into Cullen’s side. “It’s pitch black and I swear I can _still_ see you blushing.”

Cullen said nothing. Cullen pretended that he wasn’t red to the tips of his ears.

He paused outside of the office, wondering again this was a silly idea, if Dorian was going to be sorely disappointed when he didn’t open his eyes to some grand or elaborate gift. But it was a little late to do anything about it now. So he opened the door, he removed the blindfold.

The first thing Dorian noticed was that all the debris and rubbish that had still been littering Cullen’s office since their move to Skyhold had finally been cleared away. Finally. The second thing he noticed was that an arm chair not unlike the one from the library he preferred had taken up residence in one of the corners. There was a blanket draped over the back of it and a small end table beside it with a couple of books already stacked on top.

“You’re always complaining how much time I spend in here,” Cullen began hesitantly. “I know I’m not the best company, but I thought perhaps the drudgery of work would be less if you considered spending time in here as well. And maybe I’d be more easily persuaded to take a break if you did.”

He’d listened to Dorian’s complaints. All of them. About Cullen overworking himself, about the constant draft in the office, about how he hated dragging his own texts and tomes back and forth only for there to be no room for him to read over them any time he did try to accompany Cullen in his office. So Cullen had made room in his life for him.

Cullen was still blushing even as Dorian threw his arms around his neck, kissing him until nervous laughter bubbled out of Cullen and he had to ask, “So this is okay?” No disappointment there was no vintage wines to drink or shirtless troops to inspect or whatever else Dorian’s active imagination might come up with.

“Only if you tell me you did something about the hole in the roof, too.”

Cullen sighed. Cullen kissed Dorian again.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian is the best boss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Five Sentence Fic: Paper  
> request from [mhandersmyheart](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/190916322793/heyyy-how-about-a-five-sentence-fic-for-paper)

“Your assistant has been letting you boss him around for almost a year now without a single complaint,” Cullen said, adding that, “You can’t just not acknowledge that.”

“He doesn’t expect anything like that from me, we don’t have that type of relationship,” Dorian Insisted, refusing to admit that he had any sort of spot for the man that he constantly referred to as ‘the light of my life’, ‘the only thing that keeps me sane,’ and, equally as as affectionately, his ‘work bitch.’

“He’s the only one who has your personal number, you two have more inside jokes than we do, and If I wasn’t the one wearing the ring, I’d swear you two were married instead,” Cullen pointed out, once more telling Dorian, “You have to do _something_.”

Dorian sighed out, “What’s the traditional gift for a one year anniversary with one’s work husband?”

“Paper.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen has been feeling a little... under the weather.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You've got a fever. Of course I'm not going anywhere."  
> request from [midnightprelude](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/190971331883/youve-got-a-fever-of-course-im-not-going)

“An actual bath.”

“A hot meal.”

“ _Clean linens_.”

After a soggy, dismal couple of weeks on the Storm Coast, Lavellan’s list of comforts they’d find back at Skyhold had her and the rest of her party pushing their mounts that much harder on the ride back, getting them back almost a half day ahead of schedule and in the dead of the night, and leaving Dorian to wonder if it was too late to drop in on a certain Commander. His feet seemed to make up the decision for him, though, leading him up the steep steps to the battlements and Cullen’s office. Cullen _had_ said to come see him right away, after all, and Dorian wasn’t going to let himself be called a liar after insisting he would.

Dorian was a little surprised to find that Cullen, with his tendency to work well past the point any normal human would have called it quits, wasn’t at his desk, and he hoped he wasn’t being to presumptuous when he started climbing the ladder up into Cullen’s room instead, the urge to see Cullen outweighing the thought that he should let the man sleep. He was greeted by Cullen, tossing and turning, the low burning candle next to his bed displaying a sickly pallor and a sheen to his skin. Dorian hurried over to sit at the edge of the bed, placing the back of his hand to Cullen’s forehead and ultimately startling him awake.

It took a few moments for the haze to clear from Cullen’s mind enough to realize that it was Dorian there in the room with him and not whatever he’d been seeing in the fever dream he’d been caught in. “You’re early,” Cullen managed as a rather fierce chill tore through him. “I was hoping to be… better by your arrival.”

Dorian chose not to point out that based on Cullen’s current state, showing up post-lunchtime tomorrow was unlikely to have made a difference. He only shifted closer, pulling a very clammy Cullen into his arms and managing to not even make a face about it.

“I know this isn’t what you signed up for,” Cullen said. This thing between them was still very new, Dorian didn’t need to deal with sweat-soaked sheets and the shivers racking his body, he didn’t need to deal with Cullen been a miserable sad-sack. But even though it was mean to be a dismissal of sorts, permission for Dorian to see himself out when Cullen was feeling better, Cullen was wrapping his own arms around Dorian and burrowing his face into Dorian’s neck.

“Nonsense,” Dorian hushed, pushing damp hair back from Cullen’s forehead to press a kiss to his temple. “You’ve got a fever. Of course I’m not going anywhere.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> careful, Cullen. that sounds a lot like something verging on friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It's a hobby of mine to prove you wrong."  
> request from [frogwithwings](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/190972489238/9-cullrian-from-the-100-prompts-list)

Cullen didn’t know how many _hmm’s_ or _that’s an interesting choice_ ’s or contemplative nods he sat through before he’d had enough. “Is judge my personal library really the only thing you have to do today?” Cullen questioned, fixing Dorian with a look he hoped said ‘regardless, please leave’ as the mage pulled yet another book off the shelf in Cullen’s office, stroking a finger down the spine before briefly flipping through the well-worn pages.

“So they are, then? They’re actually your books?” They hadn’t simply been left here by the previous occupants of the keep to rot, or stocked in an effort to make their Commander look like a double threat, scholarly as well as soldierly. “I didn’t expect you to be so—” _Well-read_ is how Dorian intended to finish that, but a warning glance from Cullen had him snapping his mouth shut before he could. “Some of the titles surprise me,” Dorian amended. Yes there were books on tactics and history, but that wasn’t all. The several poetry volumes tucked amongst the rest were what really threw Dorian for a loop. “They’re not ones I would have expected you to own.”

“You once told me I needed a hobby.” Something that, to quote Dorian, didn’t involve, ‘skulking around the keep or terrifying recruits,’ if Cullen recalled correctly. “It’s a hobby of mine to prove you wrong.”

Dorian had been nodding his head sagely as he continued to survey Cullen’s collection, as if he completely understood what Cullen’s hobby was and that it was a fully respectable one—he would know, cultivating a massive personal library was also his _thing_ —until Cullen finished with _that_. Dorian slowly turned toward him, an eyebrow raised. “Was that a joke? Careful, Commander,” Dorian _tsk_ ed, unable to keep the twitch from the corner of his mouth that threatened to turn into a smile. “You may just have me believing we could actually be friends.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen gets his first good night's sleep in he doesn't know how long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I sleep better if you're around."  
> request from [anonymous](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/190976108103/i-sleep-better-if-youre-around-please)

Cullen avoided it for a while, spending the night with Dorian. The bad dreams he was often plagued with meant that he never knew when he would thrash around in his sleep or bolt awake with a shout, and neither of those were things he wanted to subject Dorian to.

Which is why it was an accident the first time it happened. The day had been long, with hours spent personally training recruits on new drills during the morning, and stacks upon stacks of reports on his desk confining him to his office the rest of the day, and so by time he retreated to Dorian’s room that night, with apologies for arriving at such a late hour, it hadn’t taken much for Cullen to start to doze—Dorian draped over his chest in his impression of the world’s warmest blanket tended to have that effect, especially when he reached a hand up to run his fingers through Cullen’s hair.

Come morning, when Cullen stirred awake to Dorian still in his arms, he was a little disoriented to say the least, not used to waking up anywhere that wasn’t his own quarters, and not used to waking up with another’s solid weight against him.

“I’m sorry,” Dorian said, grogginess clear in his voice as he pushed himself up onto an elbow. “I should have woken you.” It wasn’t that Dorian didn’t notice Cullen’s hesitance, and he’d always done his best not to take it personally when Cullen made excuses to slip away back to his tower or send Dorian back to his room, but that night with Cullen’s heartbeat sounding in one ear and his quiet, even breathing in the other, Dorian had been lulled into sleep just as easily.

“No, it’s—” Fine, honestly. Nothing terrible had happened. In fact, Cullen had slept like the dead. “Apparently, I sleep better if you’re around.” And that was a theory he’d be more than willing to test out another night as well.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if you truly knew Cullen, you'd know that he's _soft._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Suddenly feels around the bed to search for the other’s hand / body when they’re sleeping]   
> request from [jellsharkbat](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/190985332013/soft-prompt-list-suddenly-feels-around-the-bed)

Looking at Cullen—Commander-of-the-Inquisition’s-army Cullen, no-nonsense-allowed Cullen—most people would never dare to use the word clingy to describe him. But Dorian wasn’t most people.

He knew Cullen for who he really was, and who he was was one of the most tender-hearted men to walk Thedas. Cullen was the type of person to hand pick passages out of his favorite book that he thought Dorian would enjoy, or the type of person to leave a particular sweet for Dorian in his alcove in the library because Dorian had made an offhanded comment that he hadn’t had one in ages. And Cullen was also the type of person that was, in fact, clingy—at least when it came to sleep.

Dorian didn’t think much of it at first, but it grew to be one of the most endearing things about Cullen. If they drifted apart in their sleep, Cullen would often search the space between them, only satisfied when his fingertips brushed Dorian’s skin or he could grab up one of his hands. And there were the times that Dorian would stay up later than him, reading in his chair in front of the hearth in his room. Cullen would start to stir, start to grope blindly at the empty side of the bed. Normally, Dorian would read into the early hours of the morning, but it was hard to ignore the call to bed in those times. He’d slip beneath the blankets and Cullen would automatically draw him in, letting out a contented sigh in his sleep once he was pressed along Dorian’s back.

A different Dorian in a different time would have teased Cullen about it, maybe even joked with their friends about it. About how their Lion of Ferelden was nothing more than a cuddly mabari pup. But these moments where Cullen was allowed to let his guard down, where he didn’t have to be the brooding Commander everyone expected, they were moments meant only to be shared with Dorian, and he was loathe to do anything to mess that up. He was sure he could find plenty of other ways to make that pretty blush spread on Cullen’s cheeks.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the more Dorian drinks, the more complimentary he gets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You are so, so, so pretty."  
> request from [jellysharkbat](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/190988082668/soft-prompt-list-youre-so-so-so-pretty)

As a matter of principal, Cullen didn’t often get drunk. He had a reputation to maintain, after all, and too many pints of ale or glasses of whatever vintage Dorian had swiped most recently made decisions that Cullen otherwise knew to be unwise seem less so. Like getting sucked into a game of wicked grace that’s likely to see him lose an obscene amount of coin and clothing. Or letting words he’d held back from Dorian, words he’d wanted to say to the mage even before these past few months where they’d been ‘officially seeing’ each other, bubble even closer to the surface.

Dorian didn’t seem to have any such personal rule for himself. Many nights saw Dorian throwing back drinks in the tavern with Iron Bull and his Chargers, as if he stood any chance in trying to go one for one with a Qunari. It was the repeated nights like those that no longer had Cullen jumping to his feet when a nervous runner knocked at his office door to tell him there’d been a ‘disturbance’ in the tavern, only for Cullen to rush there and find that said disturbance was Dorian trying to pick fights over trivial matters like the demerits of Orlesian interior design trends.

Cullen would look to Bull with a raised eyebrow and Bull would shrug, nodding from Dorian to the door. Maybe it was time to get the mage out of there. When Cullen suggested as much to Dorian, Dorian’s entire demeanor would shift, all swarthy and with enough swagger to put a Rivaini pirate Cullen had once known to shame as he sauntered over to Cullen and near attached himself to him with a purred out comment about how he did, in fact, need a big strapping soldier’s help to get back to his room. Cullen did his best not to roll his eyes. Cullen did his best not to smirk.

It was one of those nights that Cullen realized that he didn’t need a drop of alcohol, only to be drunk on Dorian, for him to make one of those potentially very unwise decisions. On their walk back to Dorian’s room, Dorian wouldn’t let him get more than a couple steps in before there were lips pressed to his neck or to his jaw or to his ear with murmurs of, “You are so, so, _so_ pretty,” and other things that had heat creeping into Cullen’s face.

That only encouraged Dorian more. He pulled Cullen into his room and wasted little time in pushing him onto the bed before climbing on top of him. Cullen tried to tell him _enough_ , but Dorian wouldn’t hear it, continuing on with exceedingly ridiculous compliments and comparisons about Cullen’s eyes or his smile or, “Andraste’s tits, your _ass_ ,” in between kisses.

With a small laugh, Cullen blurted, “Maker, but I love you.”

Dorian pulled back just enough to peer down at him and Cullen quickly realized his mistake. Before Cullen could come up with any sort of cover, Dorian kissed him again, a soft smile spreading on his lips before he settled against Cullen.. “Tell me that again in the morning when I’ll remember,” Dorian mumbled from where he’d buried his face against Cullen’s neck. “I’d… really like to remember that.”

Cullen vowed he would. So, so _so_ many times he would.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anyone who thinks Dorian is the troublemaker has not met Cullen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Back seats aren't nearly as comfortable as movies make them out to be."  
> request from [jellysharkbat](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/610884570484752384/100-prompt-list-98-backseats-arent-nearly-as)

“No,” Dorian said to Cullen, adamant. “No. Absolutely not. It’s bad enough I’m here for you, your delinquent friends don’t need to be my problem too.”

He pointedly ignored the chorus of _hey_ ’s from the trio before him, and turned to Varric in particular, pointing an accusatory finger. “And _you_. You know this is why I don’t like Cullen hanging out with you. You always bring Garrett along with you, and when you get him and Cullen together, it’s like they only have three braincells to rub together between the two of them.”

When Dorian had received a call from Cullen in the early hours of the morning, he had expected some sort of devastating news, something worth bothering him over at an hour that he otherwise never would have greeted by his own accord. He hadn’t expected his boyfriend to be calling to say that him and his two friends would _please_ like a ride after having spent the night in the drunk tank after apparently getting ‘caught up in’—starting, Dorian was certain of it based on Cullen’s companions for the night—some sort of feud over a local rugby match.

He was displeased, to say the least. Made evident by the way he folded his arms across his chest and impatiently tapped his foot, waiting for a satisfactory explanation he honestly knew would never come.

“Now Sparkler—”

“That was one unfortunate incident, _one_ time.”

“—No one even got charged with anything,” Varric tried to placate. “I think we did pretty well for ourselves.”

“That’s because they didn’t know about—” The rest of whatever it was Hawke had meant to say was cut off with a grunt as Cullen sharply elbowed him in the ribs and quickly made his way to stand in front of Dorian.

“Dorian.”

“ _No_.”

“Love.”

Dorian sighed. There wasn’t much he wouldn’t agree too when Cullen asked for it with a sweet smile and a bat of thick eyelashes. “Just get in the car.”

“So what did we learn?” Dorian asked in his most reprimanding tone, even as he slung an arm around Cullen’s waist to guide him to the car.

Without missing a beat, Cullen replied, “That backseats aren’t nearly as comfortable as movies make them out to be,” with a grin spreading on his face.

“No, that’s not—” Dorian sighed. This wasn’t worth it, not when Cullen was showing zero signs of remorse for what he’d done or for making Dorian come to collect him. “Catch me in a better mood, and one day I may show you how _accommodating_ a backseat can truly be.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen makes a desperate plea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "And suddenly we were strangers again." + "Don't go."  
> request from [bh-chaotic](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/610901911779033088/me-spamming-you-pt2-from-the-100-prompt-list-4)

“Don’t go.”

Cullen barely let Dorian get the door to his chambers all the way open before he blurted out the desperate request. He also didn’t wait for Dorian to invite him in, stepping past over the threshold and taking Dorian’s hands in his.

“Ah,” Dorian said, brain finally catching up. Curse these advisors and the way they shared everything with each other. “I meant to tell you in the morning.”

He was leaving for Tevinter. Not immediately, but the day would come sooner than either of them would like.

“How can you do this?” Cullen asked. ‘Hurt’ would be putting lightly the expression that he wore. “Ever since you were but some stranger lingering around Haven, I knew that you would be in my life for the extent of it.” Even if that hadn’t been quite as pleasant of a thought then as it was now.

“And suddenly we appear to be strangers again,” Dorian said with a sad smile. “Because someone who truly knew me would know not to ask that of me.” Because he wants to agree. Because if Cullen repeated his plea, Dorian just might.

Cullen looked away, ashamed. There hadn’t been much time between catching wind of Dorian’s departure and his feet carrying him off to Dorian’s chambers much without his volition to try to form the proper words to say, and Cullen was suspecting that the proper thing really would have been to say nothing at all. He was briefly left to wonder if he’d misjudged, if Dorian had always known he would have to leave and so he’d always viewed what was between them as casual, fleeting.

Dorian, ever the mind reader, worked too quickly to put the thoughts from Cullen’s head. “None of that,” he said softly, stepping in towards Cullen and tilting Cullen’s face up towards his. “Do not doubt what you mean to me, but you know it’s important that I go back. I must.”

Cullen nodded his understanding, feeling like a fool for questioning where Dorian’s heart lie, however briefly. He let himself be pulled into a quick kiss before Dorian said, “I actually have something for you….”

Sending crystals. Dorian had managed to get his hand on a set and Cullen thought he might just cry. No waiting endlessly for a letter to arrive, a connection to Dorian right at his fingertips.

“It will never compete to the real thing, but it will make things dreadfully easier if I can at least hear the sound of your voice, it will tide me over for a while,” Dorian told him, demonstrating how the crystals worked, a touch to the one in his hand causing the one Cullen held to begin to pulse. “And if ever the Inquisition can spare me my _amatus_ for a while… You know where to find me.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's Dorian's turn to give Cullen a scare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Holds the other’s hand when they think the other won’t notice]  
> request from [jellysharkbat](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/611050054383468544/soft-prompt-list-holds-the-others-hand-when)

Cullen thought of all the times he’d almost taken Dorian’s hand in his. In support, when Dorian, visibly trying to hold back tears, confessed to Cullen the passing of his friend Felix. In thanks, when Dorian had come up with an ‘urgent’ excuse to pull Cullen away from a gaggle of admirers at the Winter Palace so that Cullen could have a moment to breathe, alone, out on one of the balconies. Just because, when they walked together along the battlements and Dorian prattled on about whatever topic was on his mind while Cullen, to quote onlookers and despite Cullen’s protests that it wasn’t true, gazed upon Dorian as if he were the only person in the world, as if he were the one who made that world turn.

Each time Cullen had balked, had shown himself to be a coward. The type who would only dare hold his hand now, as Dorian lie unconscious on a cot in the tent they’d set up in the field to serve as an infirmary, when he feared he might not have the opportunity to ever do it if he didn’t now.

Dorian had to nearly be dragged back from the fade at Adamant, the Inquisitor supporting almost all of his weight as Dorian’s feet refused to carry him forward on their own. He’d been semi-lucid at the time, but it was worrisome that he couldn’t even manage some patent Dorian comment about how he was no better than a blushing maiden needing rescuing. It wasn’t much longer after that until he’d blacked out entirely. And maybe those commentators had a point, because Cullen felt his world stop when Dorian did. He’d been, quite literally, attached to Dorian ever since, clinging to his hand like it was a lifeline to keep Dorian tethered to the land of the living.

Cullen prayed. More than he had in recent times put together. What started out as ‘the Inquisition needs him’ quickly devolved into the truth of how it was _he_ who needed him. He needed Dorian to come back, because Cullen needed to do this right, to quit being a coward, to hold Dorian’s damn hand when the mage would actually remember it.

He didn’t know how long he sat vigil for, or how many of his desperate pleas were made to the Maker or aloud to Dorian himself. Cullen didn’t recall it happening, but it was there that he fell asleep too, hunched next to Dorian’s cot, still clutching tight to his cold hand. It was only when he felt a squeeze to his hand that he bolted awake, breathing out Dorian’s name as a groggy smile spread on the mage’s face.

“If I’d have known that all it took was almost dying to get a little of your attention, I would have tried it ages ago.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I won't let anyone hurt you, you're safe with me." + "Don't cry."  
> request from [bh-chaotic](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/612713993383133184/13-and-33-for-the-angstfluff-prompt-list-bud)
> 
> small warning: mentions of + a teeny bit of abuse because Halward Pavus will forever be a douche.

Dorian knew from the start it would be a mistake, yet still he had agreed to meet up with his father while he was in town on business. Looking to open a new branch of his business, Halward had said. Scouting new locations. And didn’t that make Dorian’s stomach turn, thinking about the possibility that that man could always be lurking around the corner.

The restaurant he’d been instructed to meet at was nice enough, that was expected. Only the best for Halward Pavus, which is why Dorian was always such a disappointment, wasn’t it. A big, glaring smudge on a life that otherwise demanded perfection.

He never should have let Mahanon convince him the was a good idea. The guy called his relatives his _clan_ , so he clearly had a skewed view on how most familial dynamics worked. Given, most families also didn’t have no less than two—if Dorian’s count was correct—hired thugs stationed less-than-discretely around their family get-togethers. That should have been his first cue to leave.

The second was when Halward made his biannual request for Dorian to ‘drop this foolishness’ and reconsider all times past he’d refused to joining the family business. The new branch could be under Dorian’s control, he insisted. Dorian knew that to mean that _he_ would be under his father’s control. Pass. And so the third cue should have been how easily his father gave up. This was usually an hours long argument, but Dorian chalked it up to having it in a crowded, public place. He was sure there’d be a follow up phone call about it in the coming days that he could conveniently ignore.

“At least come to the back and say hello to the chef with me,” Halward sighed. “He’s a friend of mine, he’s been asking after you.”

It wasn’t a lie. Dorian smiled politely through a conversation that mainly consisted of small talk, but when it was time to leave, he found himself being shuffled rather ungraciously out the back door by his father. The two big brutes he’d spotted earlier were already waiting for them outside.

Dorian scoffed, asking his father if this is what it had come to, trying to intimidate his own son into giving him what he wants in a dingy alley. “The thugs are a little cliché, if you ask me.”

Halward droned on about _legacy_ , about disappointment, about a handful of other things that Dorian had heard before and rolled his eyes at, though the threat to stick him in a car right now and take him home until he could figure out what to do with him, how to make him behave… That was new. It gave Dorian pause, as he didn’t doubt the physical capabilities of the hulking men behind him in tossing him into a backseat with or without his say so, but what he did doubt was whether or not his father would go through with it. He suspected not.

Just to test it, Dorian did what he did best and continued to mouth off to his father. Halward responded with a sharp strike across Dorian’s face. They both froze, then Dorian slowly lifted his hand to his cheek, fingers coming away red, his skin broken open by one of the damned rings adorning his father’s fingers. It had been ages since his father hit him, and Dorian was instantly transported back to that time, to a time when he still feared what his father might do to him.

Every time before Halward had immediately apologized, insisted it wouldn’t happen again. Now, he only said, “Reconsider, Dorian. My patience is waning.”

Dorian stood there long after his father and his men stalked off, fingers pressed to where blood was turning tacky on his cheek. He wondered if Mahanon would still think it was such a good idea now, his coming here tonight. His face would make excellent proof of his side of the argument. That thought had him moving, feet carrying him in the direction of his friend’s apartment. He kept telling himself if he could just make it there, if he could just not cry, and if he could just rub that ‘I told you so’ in Mahanon’s face, he would be fine.

The plan deteriorated as soon as he hit the buzzer number for the apartment and the voice of Mahanon’s roommate Cullen came crackling through the speaker in greeting instead.

“Is he not in?” Dorian could feel his throat getting tight. If he couldn’t follow through with the third part of his plan, the second part seemed like it was going to happen. Dorian could feel the tears stinging at the corners of his eyes.

“Should be soon, you can come up and wait.”

“Oh, no—” His voice cracked. “That’s okay, I’ll—"

“Hey, hey, don’t cry.” Damn, how could Cullen tell. “I’m buzzing you up. Please come inside and wait.”

Cullen was waiting in the open door of the apartment when Dorian trudged up the stairs and the sight of him, brow furrowed in concern, foot tapping anxiously is what did it for Dorian. His drama wasn’t necessarily new to Cullen at this point, considering how long he’d been Mahonon’s roomate. Cullen on multiple occasions had dealt with the collective tornado that him and Mahanon could be when together, listening with a raised eyebrow, to among other things, his fair share of Halward-Pavus-is-a-Grade-A-Asshole rants without passing judgement. But this was different now.

Something about having Cullen who pretended his jokes weren’t funny and refilled his wine glass before it ran dry and even rubbed his back soothingly as he emptied his stomach after a particularly impressive night of drinking with Mahanon, Cullen who he had slowly fallen just a _little bit_ in love with, knowing that at his core, Dorian was still just a scared boy with daddy issues had fresh, hot tears of embarrassment trailing down his cheeks.

“None of that,” Cullen said, standing back so Dorian could step into the apartment. And when he closed the door behind them and turned back to Dorian, Dorian couldn’t control the sharp breath he sucked in, because Cullen had reached out to cradle the side of his face in one hand, thumb gently grazing the puffy skin under the split on his cheek. “What happened?”

Dorian gave a shrug. “Wasn’t the first time, doubt it will be the last.”

That was unacceptable to Cullen, who pulled Dorian in tight against him, arms wrapping around and lips practically right against his ear as he said, quiet, fierce, “I won’t let anyone hurt you, you’re safe with me.”

Dorian hesitated for a moment. He’d expected to be sat on the couch until Mahanon’s return while an uncomfortable looking Cullen, refusing to acknowledge the tears or blood on his face, asked if there was anything he could get for him. This was so much better. He buried his face against Cullen’s shoulder, hands curling into the material of his shirt.

When Cullen pulled back to say, “Let me clean you up,” the soft smile he tried to give almost had Dorian going weak in the knees.

He nodded his head and let himself be led off to the bathroom and for a moment, he let himself believe that this would still be okay and that maybe, _maybe_ somewhere along the line, Cullen had fallen just a little bit in love with him too.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen will do anything to not have to deal with Orlesians.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Dance with me."  
> request from [midnightprelude](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/612733725779902464/dance-with-me-for-cullrian-or-handers)

“Dance with me.”

And wouldn’t that have been a lovely thing for Dorian to hear had it been an invitation at the end of an outstretched hand and not the urgent demand that just came from the Commander’s mouth.

Cullen was already plucking the wine glass from his hands and setting it aside and leading him by the elbow from the outskirts of the room toward the dance floor before Dorian’s mind and mouth caught up enough for him to say, “I’m sorry, it’s rather loud in here, did you just ask—”

“Not a request. Dance with me.” Dorian refused to budge any further so Cullen tried, “Commander’s orders?”

It was only thanks to the embarrassing amount of time Dorian had devoted to studying all things Cullen that let him see the way his eyes crinkled at the corners, even if the smile wouldn’t dare reach his lips. “Would this have anything to do with your gaggle of onlookers?” Dorian asked with a glance over Cullen’s shoulder at the group of Orlesians he’d beaten a hasty retreat from. “They certainly adore you in Halamshiral, don’t they? I’m sure one of them would love to take you up on that dance.”

“There lies the issue,” Cullen said. “I… may have told them that I can’t, that I am a taken man and it wouldn’t be appropriate.”

Dorian didn’t need help putting the rest together. “And so you went with the most scandalous choice to do that _taking_.”

There is was, that smirk of Cullen’s, the one Dorian most often saw over a game of chess and that always caused a flutter in his chest. He rolled his eyes as if it wasn’t having the same effect on him now. “Try not to step on my toes, _dear_.”

The dance was stiff, awkward, but these formal court affairs had that tendency and Dorian couldn’t really fault Cullen for it. At the end, Dorian brushed a kiss to Cullen’s—only to keep up the ruse, and for no other reason, Dorian insisted to himself. Cullen squeezed the hand he still held, and Dorian swore he saw that crinkle again, and then they were going their separate ways.

It was Cullen’s voice that startled Dorian out of his thoughts at the end of the night. The ball had been a long one, all events considered, and while it was still in full swing inside, Dorian needed to take a breath now that there were no looming assassinations to worry about.

“We can do better.”

He turned to look at the Commander strolling out on the balcony towards him and raised an eyebrow. Cullen only extended a hand out to him. “Dance with me?”

Dorian looked around for signs of Cullen’s newly acquired entourage but found none. He took Cullen’s hand anyway and pretended that his heart wasn’t in his throat.

This dance was far less awkward, Cullen’s touch as gentle as the song drifting to them as he drew Dorian in, turning him in slow circles in time with the music. This time, at the end, Cullen didn’t let go.

“Earlier,” Cullen started, and a flush started to keep onto his face. “You kissed me.”

“If you could call it that.” Barely more than a peck on the cheek, it hardly seemed to count.

“I think we could do that better too.”

And oh, they did.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bad news can be a big distraction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I've got you." + "I can't sleep, can I stay here?"  
> request from [jupiter235](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/612800307057082368/16-and-17-with-cullrian)

It was useless. Dorian had been tossing and turning for ages now, unable to fall asleep. His mind kept wandering, going through his mental list of Things to Worry About, a new, pressing matter added right to the top. Dorian groaned into his pillow, unwilling to think on _that_ , unwilling to let it be real enough that it would keep him up at night. Instead he’d blame it on his roommate’s snoring coming from the other side of the cramped dorm.

Dorian checked his phone. Late. But he had a hunch who would still be awake. He slipped out of bed and out of the room, padding down the hallway as he rubbed at tired eyes.

Sure enough, when he knocked at his RA’s door, it was quick to open. Cullen looked tired, disheveled hair, dark circles under his eyes, but Dorian knew he hadn’t woken him, that just seemed to be the guy’s perpetual state of being.

“I can’t sleep, can I stay here?” Dorian asked. “Just for a little bit,” he tacked on, remembering the hour.

Cullen smiled, or as much as he ever did, one corner of his mouth quirking up as he stepped aside to let Dorian in.

The routine was familiar, it wasn’t the first time Dorian had sought solace in Cullen’s room. What started as a _strongly_ worded complaint about the ‘disgusting practice of young men in shared spaces’ had turned into Dorian showing up just because, the excuses growing weaker and weaker each time.

Dorian just like his company. Cullen didn’t talk much, but he didn’t mind when Dorian filled the silence with senseless chatter or rants about classes or critiques of Cullen’s choice of literature that he kept on the shelf above his desk, and sometimes, on days that Dorian considered a gift, he could even get a laugh out of Cullen. Plus, he had the RA perk of not having to share a room with anyone which meant a little bit of Maker-blessed _space_.

Cullen moved back into his desk chair and eyed Dorian as he settled onto his bed, poking through the textbooks and papers scattered there. “Still worried about your test tomorrow?”

Well, shit. Now he was. Dorian had managed to put it from his mind in light of other recent developments. “I don’t even need the class for my major, I honestly don’t know why I’m putting so much effort in.”

“I can quiz you again if you’d like?”

Dorian waved away the offer. “I’d rather _not_ think for a while if it’s all the same to you.”

Cullen shrugged and turned back to clacking away at his laptop. He let the silence drag on for a while, every so often throwing looks over his shoulder at Dorian who kept staring off at nothing, furrowing his brow, worrying at the edge of bedsheet. “I thought you didn’t want to think?”

He got up and made his way over to the bed, shoving aside his schoolwork to make room for him to sit next to Dorian, settling back against the wall where Dorian leaned too. Cullen nudged him with his elbow, eyebrow raising, and this was one of the things Dorian couldn’t decide if should be included on his list of reasons he liked being around Cullen. He was never pushy when it came to getting Dorian to talk about _actual_ problems, which was a plus, but Dorian always ended up spilling his heart anyway, which was… less than ideal.

Which is how he ended up telling Cullen about Felix. About how his best friend was miles and miles away, laid up in some hospital bed, not looking like he was going to get any better, “And I can’t do anything about it.” Dorian’s voice broke there at the end, his chest felt tight, there was a stinging in his eyes.

Cullen didn’t hesitate to snake an arm around Dorian and pull him in against his side, and Dorian instinctively curled into him, pressing his face to Cullen’s shoulder. Dorian was adamant about the fact that he did not cry, yet still the fabric of Cullen’s shirt seemed to be getting increasingly damp against his cheek. He mumbled an apology into it.

“It’s okay,” Cullen soothed, holding Dorian closer. “I’ve got you.”

Dorian didn’t know how the first part would ever be true, but he did allow himself to take some comfort in the rest.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just when you think nothing could make Dorian more dramatic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Come cuddle."  
> request from jellysharkbat

It surprised no one that when Cullen got sick, he refused to acknowledge it and powered through at all costs. It would take almost keeling over and a very stern lecture from Dorian to get him to stay in bed. Dorian would refuse to hear it when Cullen insisted he didn’t need to be doted on, that he’d just sleep it off and be fine, but the appreciation for Dorian’s care and company was always there in his soft smiles and gentle squeezes to Dorian’s hand.

The same could not be said for Dorian was sick, though.

Dorian would also insist to that he couldn’t be slowed down by the common cold or even the flu, and after copious amounts of cough syrup and a high enough fever, he would honestly believe it. Everyone else… not so much.

It took Cullen a lot of gentle plying and even more bribing to get Dorian to stay home from work, to skip whatever event he was supposed to attend, to _rest_ , and Dorian would finally concede, but that’s when the theatrics would begin. Dorian would drape himself over the nearest surface and proclaim that nothing could be worse than this, that he was dying, and that Cullen was the one charged with fixing all of it.

Cullen did his best to hide his smile because according to Dorian this was not funny, not in the least, but it was hard to keep a straight face when this was coming from a sniffling Dorian up to his ears in pillows and blankets. He had no problem catering to Dorian’s ‘demands,’ making him another cup of tea, drawing him a bath, letting him pick the movie they watched, and it was why when Dorian appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, wrapped in the comforter and pouting, “Come cuddle,” Cullen didn’t hesitate to ‘give in.’

Dorian would only stop grumbling when he was pressed as tightly to Cullen as could be, letting the feeling of Cullen’s fingers in hair ease him into sleep, dramatics and grumpiness fading out into a gentleness that had Cullen not even caring if he ended up getting sick too.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen, the king of making 'jokes' that Dorian doesn't appreciate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You snore in your sleep, but it's adorable."  
> request from [bh-chaotic](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/190976492738/you-snore-in-your-sleep-but-its-adorable-for)
> 
> (somehow this escaped my earlier upload of all the pieces so far)

“You’re up earlier than usual,” Dorian said has he slinked up behind Cullen in the kitchen, wrapping his arms around Cullen’s waist and pressing sleepy kisses to his shoulder.

“Did you know you snore in your sleep?”

Cullen had never felt Dorian go rigid so fast, had never heard quite that offended of a scoff as Dorian pulled away with an insistence of, “Excuse me? I would never do something that undignified,” and Cullen only laughed in response. Needless to say, Dorian spent the rest of the morning not speaking to him.

When Cullen had cleaned himself up and it was coming up on time to head out for the day and the silent treatment was still in full swing, he sighed and snagged Dorian by the wrist to tug him toward him, pressing kiss after kiss to Dorian’s face despite Dorian’s ‘protests.’

“I’m sorry,” Cullen said in between the barrage. “It was a bad joke. You snoring isn’t what woke me up, I have an early day at work.”

“I told you I didn’t snore.”

“Oh, no. You _do_ snore in your sleep, yes,” Cullen said. “But it’s adorable.”

Dorian nearly shoved him out the front door.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian is, by no means, a fan of Cullen's new pup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Stop making me laugh." + "All I want is you."  
> request from [bh-chaotic](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/618495114572136448/2244-for-the-softy-list).

Cullen understood to a point, really he did, and after profusely apologizing to Dorian, he’d even taken part in the scolding Aurum received for ‘viciously tearing through multiple pairs of innocent shoes,’ but now the withering looks that Dorian continued to throwing at the mabari—turning his nose up and ignoring the ‘malicious, slobbering beast’ even as he tried to offer his own pup-brand of apology, with big eyes and wagging tail—were starting to cause Cullen to crack a smile.

“It’s not funny,” Dorian insisted, and not for the first time. “Your dog hates me. He has zero respect for me or my home.”

Cullen barely contained his snort of laughter when Aurum’s response was to flop at Dorian’s feet, belly exposed, tongue lolling, a clear request for pets.

Aurum was still a new addition to their relationship after Cullen had instantly fallen in love when seeing a picture of the mabari the local shelter had posted. Cullen had gushed over him, constantly showing the photos to Dorian, saying he looked like such a good boy, but Dorian never would have expected Cullen to show up at his apartment door a few evenings later, a bag full of the takeout he said he’d pick up on the way in one hand, and a leash in the other. While the comments from Dorian about how, ‘You’re supposed talk about it before inviting a third, Cullen,’ had died out, Dorian still wasn’t used to the pup.

“You always say you want to get rid of some of your old stuff, but you never do,” Cullen said now. “Aurum is only trying to help.”

The corner of Dorian’s mouth twitched even as he said once more, “Not funny.”

“Do you think it’s a comment on your fashion choices? You did say those brown ones were ‘last season,’” Cullen teased, as if the words meant anything to him. “Who knew the pup had such discerning taste, you could learn a thing or two.”

That forced a short laugh from Dorian, even if he tried to cover it. And on it went like that for several more minutes until Cullen had the rest of Dorian’s chilly demeanor warming. Cullen’s arms slung around his waist and the kisses that Cullen kept pressing to his face to punctuate his remarks definitely helped.

“Stop it, stop making me laugh,” Dorian complained. He tried to duck one of Cullen’s kisses, tried to side step him, but all he accomplished was tripping over the wriggly mabari at his feet. He was almost sent sprawling, but managed to catch himself on the back of the couch with more than a few curses under his breath.

“Oh great, and as if maiming my wardrobe wasn’t enough, now he’s trying to kill me too.” Dorian held up a hand when Cullen tried to rebut the accusation, sitting down on the couch. “See what happens when you try to make it better? All I want is to sit here and—“

“Pout? Sulk?”

“Think about my life choices and how they led me here and to someone who thinks that is an acceptable pet.”

Cullen was undeterred, plopping himself on the couch next to Dorian and pressing in close to his side. “Well all I want is you,” Cullen said, nosing at Dorian’s cheek until he gave in and turned to kiss him.

“Oh, so no—“

“ _And_ for you to get along with Pup,” Cullen cut in. “He’s not going anywhere as long as I do, you know.”

“Well would you look at the time, seems you really must be going then,” Dorian said. “I can already see my new dating profile now. ’No dogs allowed. You or your pet.’”

It was then Cullen’s turn to tell him, “Not funny,” but the smile on his lips betrayed him as it always did.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maybe they can't actually make a baby, but they can have fun trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I want a baby." + "I wouldn't want to fight you, you're pretty feisty."   
> request from [gangsterbee](https://ramonadecember.tumblr.com/post/618737702565756928/otp-list-40-i-want-a-baby-but-if-thats-not).

When the practice ring in the courtyard wasn’t filled with soldiers and mages, it was full of children playing at it. Dorian found it distasteful at best, if for no other reason than because there were hardly ever any _actual_ magelings invited to join in, but mainly because he thought it sent the wrong message to continue to allow a game whose premise seemed to be ‘capturing’ or ‘slaying’ the children begrudgingly accepting their role as mage.

It did have his benefits, as every so often Dorian got to watch a snotty child trip over their own too-big stick they were using as a sword. Or today, after having his attention drawn over by some particularly colorful language that should never have come out of a boy no more than seven’s mouth, Dorian got to see one of them get a healthy zap from a little girl, a little mage, who was tired of playing along. When she was met with a chorus of _unfair_ ’s, she only turned up her nose and claimed that she was only making their game more realistic.

It made a smug smirk spread on Dorian’s lips, but when one of the children refused to move on and more sparks started flickering at the girl’s fingertips, he decided that the responsible adult thing to do was to step in. “Is everyone… playing nice?”

It was the little girl who squared up in front of Dorian, arms folded across her chest. “Everyone is _fine_.” A scowl formed on her face. “Unless you’re looking to learn the same lesson he did, old man.” She hooked a thumb over her shoulder toward the child who was still pouting over being shocked.

Dorian’s eyebrows shot up, his hand going to his chest, but the amused smile returned to his face. “No, no… by all means, I wouldn’t want to fight you, you’re a feisty one.” That seemed to please her, even more so when he backed off after that, letting them get back to it, but when he lingered, it was with renewed interest in the outcome of their game.

That’s how Cullen found him. He came up alongside Dorian and placed a hand at the small of his back as he leaned in to ask, “Who’s your coin on this time?” before brushing a kiss to Dorian’s cheek.

Dorian tolled his eyes and they continued to watch in silence until he declared, “I think I want one.” When only met with a confused expression he added, “A baby. One of those.” He nodded back toward the group of children.

Cullen let out a laugh that was cut short when he couldn’t determine how serious Dorian was. “Those are, by all means, _not_ babies, love.”

“I want a little mageling just like that one,” he continued on, gesturing to where the little girl was demonstrating that she didn’t need magic to make make one of the other kids eat dirt. “Do you know she called me _old_?”

“I’m not quite sure I can provide what you’re after,” Cullen said with another laugh. “Would you settle for an apprentice?”

“I suppose I could find that agreeable,” Dorian decided. And then after a moment of thought, “But do you think tonight we could at least say we tried?” One corner of his mouth curled up into a smile and when he peeked over at Cullen he saw it mirrored.

“I suppose I could find that agreeable.”


End file.
